The following emails were intercepted by our crack team of investigative journalists. They are from the internal communication system of a shadowy organization of bird enthusiasts that we haven’t even managed to put a name to as of yet. They are reprinted here in their entirety in the public interest. We have color coded them by sender in order to make comprehension easier.
To: Tyrannus
From: Sparrow
Date: 07 October 2018
RE: Operation Duck Drop
Operation Duck Drop was a success. The bird was released with no living witnesses.
To: Sparrow
From: Tyrannus
Date: 08 October 2018
RE: Operation Duck Drop
Outstanding work, Sparrow! I’ll make sure to put a note in your file.
To: The Executive Committee
From: Tyrannus
Date: 09 October 2018
RE: Operation Duck Drop
Sparrow has successfully completed Operation Duck Drop. What an excellent operative! Now begins the waiting game.
To: Tyrannus
From: Egret
Date: 09 October 2018
RE: Waiting
How lazy and/or bad are these New York City birders? A gorgeous and flamboyant duck in one of the most heavily birded parks and they still haven’t found it? I knew we should have used a bigger species!
To: Egret
From: Tyrannus
Date: 09 October 2018
RE: Waiting
Have patience. Remember how many drugged Corn Crakes we had to release? They’ll find it.
To: Tyrannus
From: Sparrow
Date: 10 October 2018
RE: Duck Found
I’ve been monitoring the listservs, Facebook groups, and Twitter alerts. The bird has been found but apparently birders already believe it to be an escape rather than a natural vagrant. This might not have been the best species to use.
To: Sparrow
From: Tyrannus
Date: 10 October 2018
RE: Duck Found
You left a band on the bird? Of all the incompetent moves! No one’s going to care about a bird that is provably a release/escape! This failure is definitely going in your file!
To: Tyrannus
From: Egret
Date: 11 October 2018
RE: Band on Duck
How could we have such an incompetent operative? He left the band on the bird? This is unacceptable and a reflection on your leadership.
To: Egret
From: Tyrannus
Date: 11 October 2018
RE: Band on Duck
Sparrow has completed many other operations and there were no objections to using him, including from you. Sometimes people make mistakes. What’s important is that no one know that we were involved with this bird or any of the others.
To: Tyrannus
From: Sparrow
Date: 11 October 2018
RE: Band on Duck
A thousand apologies. I left the knife I was planning on cutting the band off with in the body of the witness. Good news, though! We got some press!
To: Sparrow
From: Tyrannus
Date: 11 October 2018
RE: Band on Duck
Wait, you actually killed someone? I thought that “no living witnesses” was a joke! This is a disaster! We’re never using you again!
To: Tyrannus
From: Sparrow
Date: 12 October 2018
RE: Band on Duck
Relax. I have the body saved for use in Operation Vulture. No one will miss a sad, lonely birder.
To: The Executive Committee
From: Tyrannus
Date: 15 October 2018
RE: Operation Duck Drop
Despite the band being left on the duck I still think we can consider Operation Duck Drop a success. We got some good press and the duck is wandering around Manhattan now. That said, we should not use Sparrow as an operative again. He’s unreliable and a bit scary.
To: Tyrannus
From: Egret
Date: 18 October 2018
RE: Next Steps
I think with Operation Duck Drop having been a resounding failure it is time to figure out our next operation. It can’t be a skulky bird because the birders will never find it and it can’t be something completely unbelievable because no one will chase it if they think it’s not a natural vagrant. What about a Jabiru at Cape May?
To: Tyrannus
From: Sparrow
Date: 22 October 2018
RE: Hello?
Why haven’t you been returning my calls? I’ve done so much for this organization! The wood rail, the ridiculous drive from Texas to Maine with that damned hawk, Ivory Gulls beyond counting! I better hear back soon!
To: Tyrannus
From: Sparrow
Date: 01 November 2018
RE: Duck is Back
Everyone in New York City is losing their mind now. The duck has come back to Central Park and it’s gone viral! Who cares about the band? Everyone loves this bird!
To: Sparrow
From: Tyrannus
Date: 02 November 2018
RE: Duck is Back
Very well. Operation Vulture is a go. Let me know if you need any resources.
We’re not sure what all of this means but it is very concerning. Perhaps we should be very careful before accepting any future vagrant vulture records? And if a Jabiru shows up at Cape May that record had better be seriously scrutinized!
I have come across this organisation, they call themselves RAIL.
Rail Against Inner-city Listers.
This just made it to our local news-slow news day!